The way you get a girl is to say, ‘No problem.’ Everything, no problem,” says a Russian mobster named Peter that’s sitting next to me at dinner. “If they late then you just have a drink alone. When they show up you say, ‘Hey, don’t worry about it.’ And you go on with the night. Everything is no problem forever and ever. Don’t call me back—no problem. See you on the street with another guy—no problem.”

Peter now has the attention of the entire table. He moves his head from far left to far right in a sweeping gesture that’s so slow it makes me think he’s totally forgotten what the fuck he was talking about. After making sure everyone is silent, he adds, “…then…when she finally say those three words. When she finally say, ‘I love you’. YOU TURN THAT BITCH OVER AND YOU FUCKING PUNISH HER FOR ALL THE BULLSHIT SHE PUT YOU THROUGH!!!”

Peter is a scary meathead who talks to trees, wears Zubas and is about to go to jail for double homicide. He’s also kind of right. The best way to get the girl you like is to be laid-back and casual, then, once you have her, be a Russian mobster. That’s easier said than done. Picking up chicks is hard. All women have to do to get laid is say “yes” and lie down. Even fat girls can do well if they put on high heels and wait until last call. Blacks get to fuck whomever they want and if they go to Scotland they get laid even more than that. Gays and lesbians get so laid they’re already bored with it. But what about the other 2.98756 billion of us? How do we get laid? Read on, motherfucker…

FUN GUY
The problem with really wanting to get laid is you look like someone who really wants to get laid. The horny you is like the marketing head in How to Get Ahead in Advertising. You have to deny him or he will kill you. Instead of worrying about who is going to fuck you, just go out and be gregarious guy. “Hey, what’s your name? Oh, Mark? How’s it going, Mark? I’m Chris. Who’s this?” “I’m Julie.” “Hey Julie. Do you guys want some Percodan?” We know you want to fuck Julie. We all want to fuck Julie. Just don’t admit it to anyone. Not even to yourself. Even if a close female friend, one you trust, asks if you want to fuck Julie, make a joke like, “I want to fuck MARK, don’t you? Meow!” Nobody needs to know you have a penis. Of course, you have to be careful with this kind of attitude and not be too faggy. Throw in a few “That’s nobody’s business but my own” and maybe protect one or two girls from those wasted geriatric Polish guys that are always hanging around. You need to establish that you are not a pussy and you need to make sure you don’t slip into the friend zone (more on that later). If you’re really outgoing and pals-y, you should have a ton of numbers and email addresses at the end of the night. Throw the dude ones in the garbage.

FUN GUY: PHASE TWO
You shouldn’t take a girl out on a date until you’ve fucked her at least once. Before any kind of dating scenario you have to extend your fun-guy phase just a little bit longer. That means if you want to see her again you call her from somewhere really fun and basically invite her to a party like she’s one of the guys. “Hey, what’s going on, it’s me, Red Pants [an allusion to a previous inside joke you guys have]. We’re all at DaVinci’s and it’s pretty fun. Some wasted old lady is dancing naked on the bar and everyone from the Shit Biscuit is here. On a 1 to 10 fun scale I’d give it an 8.2 [she laughs]. From now on I’ll only call you when it’s an 8 or over. I’ll be your fun spy. Anyway, it’s at 360 1st Avenue. See you there.”

Now don’t call her again, you fucking anus! Don’t call her at 4 AM asking her why she didn’t show. You’re fun guy. You’re not Heavy Vibes Guy. Remember what the Russian said. Also, the odds are she just came out of a shitty and serious relationship and the last thing she needs is more drunk questions on her answering machine at dawn. You can only call a girl 1.5 times more than she calls you.

BILL MURRAY IN ‘STRIPES’
Fuck Cool J. He’s a fucking cheeseball. Ladies Love BM. Remember when he lifts her up on to the stove and then starts jabbing her bum with a spatula? No woman on earth can resist that. It’s the best of all worlds. He is strong and funny and weird, but also kind of a lovable fuck-up. If you’re coming fresh out of the gate and you’re looking for somewhere to start, this character (I think his name was Winger) is you.

HANGING BY A THREAD
Calling a girl over 1.5 times more than she calls you makes you look desperate (by the way, never use the word “desperate” in any context whatsoever. Don’t say you are “desperate to get that vintage Samhain deck” or anything. The word has a heavy hex on it). If you have reached out to a girl you like and after a few days it becomes clear it’s going nowhere, here’s a good last-ditch-effort text message: “I guess that’s it then. I’m moving out. What the fuck are we going to do about the cats?” Showing that you don’t really care about her not digging you is often all it takes to get her back.

TOOTS AND THE MAYTALS
Know that when you finally do get her alone and into a date scenario you are going to be farting your fucking ass off. There’s something about the adrenaline rush first dates give you that makes your bowels go bananas. Bring matches. When you feel one of them coming on go to the bathroom, open up your cheeks, and let it silently blow out. Then light a match.

If she ends up sleeping over you are probably going to have a monstrous shit the next day (it took a lot of booze and drugs to pull this off) so have the matches ready for that too.

If you really want this to go well, we can’t say enough about Beano. Free samples are pretty easy to get online and they are a fart’s worst enemy.

DATE PACK
You should get a lot of other stuff too. You should get a whole date pack together. Like: Beano, matches, coke (more later), Viagra (again, later), Adderall (lates), and two Maxx condoms. But be warned! There is a weird curse on guys who go out at night with condoms. For some reason a girl can smell the rubber and know that you fully intend to put your penis in her vagina and go in and out and in and out. It might be best to avoid the hex and just throw them out of your date pack. Sometimes getting venereal warts is worth it. Besides, if she’s really against having sex without a condom you can just do oral stuff, which is what God intended for first-timers anyway.

TALKING, LAUGHING, FUCKING
We’ve told you this a million times before: You don’t talk, you don’t fuck. You have to keep chatting from the first moment you meet her until she’s lying naked in bed next to you. Don’t come up for air. It doesn’t even matter what you talk about—do observational Seinfeld shit like, “Man, have you ever tried the grape drink at that pizza place on 1st and Saint Mark’s? It’s like a grape EXPLOSION. Now I know what the soldiers in Iraq are going through. Only in grape.” On and on, yadda yadda. Be as crazy as you want to be, but have a few serious bombs so she’s knows you’re not totally fucked in the head. Like if Iraq comes up you could say, “I just hate that there’s no real open discourse about the pros and cons of it. Nobody’s willing to stop screaming ‘Hitler’ and ‘Satan’ and calmly discuss it. Like I’ve heard some really informed people call it ‘the right war fought the wrong way.’ Why can’t that angle be discussed?” Then it’s back to crazy guy (holy fuck are you ever deep).

QUIET GUY

In high school it kind of works to be the standoffish silent type that nobody can figure out. You could even make up some bullshit about being “celibate.” When you’re celibate you’re basically Judd Nelson from Breakfast Club meets Ally Sheedy from Breakfast Club. You’ve been through a lot that you don’t want to talk about, you’re pretty intense AND you don’t have AIDS. Saying “Leave me alone” is great for attention in high school because it’s confined quarters and you’re always in everyone’s face.

BUT DO NOT TRY THIS AFTER HIGH SCHOOL! There’s too much other stuff going on for people to give a shit if you want to be left alone. They’re all, “OK cool, see ya!” and there you are, literally alone.

BIG WORDS
It’s good to know about four or five 50-cent words you can stuff into a conversation so you sound well read. Don’t fuck them up the way black people do, but don’t overuse them either. We recommend putting your fancy word next to a swear. Here are some examples: “…so she walks in all precocious like we give a shit,” or “…and it’s the same old pedantic bullshit he’s always going on about,” or “She’s got this big fucking turgid zit right in the center of her face.” When people seem baffled by your big word, pretend you don’t understand what they’re talking about (you read so much you can’t tell the easy words from the hard words).
Oh, I forgot to mention this. Don’t talk about weird shit. Keep it light. If you have this memory where you saw a dragonfly eating its own eyes, keep it to yourself. In case you didn’t know, that’s what murdering rapists talk about too.

FUCK A 5
If it’s been more than say, two months, go fuck a fatty. You need to get the ball rolling again and having sex with an ugly girl is the best way to do that. It gets your confidence up and it gets that horrible reek of desperation off you. Besides, fucking a 5 is way more fun than fucking a 10 because you’re totally relaxed and can do whatever you want.

THE FRIEND ZONE
This phenomenon was discovered by a funnyman named Chris Rock. You become so laid-back, you’re basically Ducky from Pretty in Pink. This blows. If you are a funny person you should be especially careful of this. You can make them laugh their heads off all you want, and I know we told you to not appear horny, but at least throw in a few “I like you more than a friend” vibes. One trick is to be totally honest about how mind-blowingly hot she is. You stop yourself mid-funny-anecdote and go, “Fuck, you’re so pretty I keep getting distracted. I don’t think I can look at you and tell this story at the same time.” Then tell the rest of the story looking over her ear, like if you were blind. That is both funny and shows you’re not Ducky.

HOW TO BE FUNNY
You don’t have to be Gallagher to be funny. The funniest shit is just being totally honest. Like “Do you ever feel uncomfortable in places like this? Everyone seems so put together. What are you supposed to do with your arms if you don’t smoke? Can you imagine how relaxed people with no arms must be? I wish I had no arms.” Saying totally honest and humbling stuff like this is literally funny because it’s true. It also shows you are ballsy enough to not give a shit what people think of you.

HORNY DUDE
Completely abandoning friendly guy is some really risky shit, but it’s one of the greatest places to be in pick-up land. This is usually only possible when you’ve heard that she likes you AND you’re feeling more “on” than you’ve ever been. That’s when you can say things like “I would ruin your life. I would take you home and walk you over to the bedroom by your hair. Then I would spank your ass so fucking hard it would feel like it was on fire. Then I’d lick your pussy so fucking slow you’d get a stomachache.”

Shit, I’m making myself horny. Being this on happens rarely, and if she’s ready to hear shit like this she’s already totally sold on you. The reason we’ve included “horny dude” here is so you know he is the antidote to Ducky. Use him VERY sparingly or become another cold-call creep.

THE COLD CALL
The problem with this is the message you’re sending just by doing it. When you walk up to a stranger in a bar and say hello, what you’re really saying is, “All I know about you is that you’re attractive but that’s enough for me to want to start a relationship. My priorities are, ‘Is she hot?’ and then I go from there.”
Those are what everyone’s priorities are but you’re not supposed to admit it. Can’t you at least wait until there’s some kind of eye contact? I don’t know what advice to give you cold-call guys. Frankly, I think you’re all a bunch of assholes. It’s creeps like you that have made it so hard for the rest of us to get anywhere.

THE DREAM TRICK
If you’re into a girl and you’re not sure if she’s into you, a great way to carefully gauge what’s going on is to pretend you had a dream about her. When you see her you go, “Holy shit, I just remembered something. I had a dream about you last night.” If she recoils in horror you can back off by saying something like, “We were fighting this giant fireman that looked like that Iron Maiden guy. I think Riddick was there—weird.” She’ll say, “Ooooh kaaaye” and you will just shrug your shoulders, shake your head, and in a “Dreams, what will they think of next?” kind of a way go back to your desk.

If, however, she seems interested, you can go kind of close to sex. Don’t say she was blowing you all night and cumming from it but maybe you could say, “I think we were married and we had quintuplets or something. I can’t remember.” The beauty of the dream trick is it’s you saying “I might like you” without putting your ego on the line. If she’s disgusted it’s not your fault. It’s the dream’s.

THE RESEARCH METHOD
As you get older your feelings become more and more fragile. That’s because your character gets bigger every year. When you’re 20 you’re basically a fag. You can just go up to anyone and say, “You’re hot, wanna make out?” without giving one-tenth of a shit what they say. As you get older, saying, “I have become very attracted to you” is like lying on the road with your intestines hanging out and saying, “Please [sob] have mercy on me.” A good way to get around that is research. Do you know any of her friends? Can you trust them? As we said in our “Ode to the Fat Friend” article, an ally on the other side is worth a thousand good lines. (Who fucking uses “lines” these days anyway? Do you really want to fuck a girl who believes in astrology?)

THE FIX UP
Speaking of research, if you can find an OK-looking girl who wants to be your friend, has no interest in you, and isn’t hurt that you have no interest in her (rarer than you think), get her to do your research. You can find out if the girl is single, when she last had sex, how long her previous relationship was, why they broke up, does she drink, etc. The list goes on. Going in well prepared is almost as good as going in not ugly. Even if you get caught you’re fine because at least the girl knows you’re friends with girls. Murdering rapists are not friends with girls.

MULATTO BABIES
If you are any kind of race at all you’d be stupid not to play the race card. A great mulatto trick is to go up to the white girl and ask her what her parents would think about you two going out. Girls love the idea of torturing their Archie Bunker fathers and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t get your cut of that.

Also, if you’re sitting down at the bar, put your hand near hers and JOKINGLY (remember comedy is crucial in scenarios like this) ask her what “our” babies are going to look like. Everyone knows mixed races are the best-looking kids around so it’s good to plant those seeds in the back of her head.

EMAIL
This is the ideal way to court. She’s sitting there, bored at work, hating on her friends, and wondering if anyone really cares about her. Then—dananalalaing—new message. “Hey, have you seen this guy who holds cuddle parties? What a fucking loser. He wants to create a ‘safe space’ for people to touch each other’s bodies. Can you say ‘faggoty nonsense?’”

Or maybe something less harsh. That’s the beauty of email. You can spend hours and hours perfectly honing your message to be exactly what she needs to hear.

THE “MUST HAVE HER” CHANT
Remember last year when we told you that you have to beat off about the girl you want because a) it tricks your brain into thinking you’ve already fucked her and b) it sends magical wank vibes out into the cosmos that she unconsciously picks up on? Remember that? Well here’s another one: If you keep repeating “must have her, must have her, must have her” as you walk down the street something magical happens to you. What it does is it summons every part of your brain to focus on the problem at hand. “Is she going to be there on Thursday? OK, I will not go out Wednesday, I will have a good rest, and then I will have approximately three pints before going to the Thursday thing.” These are the kind of complex processes that only a self-hypnotized brain can come up with. Remember, testosterone is a concentration drug.

COKE
Sorry, I know coke has about ten times the stigma trucker hats do, but the truth is it works. Even if you don’t do it yourself it’s really handy to have a plush box sitting under the bed. Inviting a girl home to do coke shows that you’re not just taking her home to blow you. You’re taking her home to play her records and talk about stuff because you like her.

Now, if shit does go down and it’s taken about five lines to get there, you had better have some Viagra handy. It is a fucking breeze to get online and there is absolutely no excuse for not having it ready to go. People who can’t get it up are no longer impotent. They’re stupid.

THE FIRST KISS
This fucking sucks. You’ve got her home and you’re sitting on the couch and you have to go from “ha ha ha” guy to dead-serious face zooming in on hers like a spaceship approaching the mother port. There’re ways to lessen this blow. You can say shit like “Wanna make out?” or other funny stuff, but it’s going to be pretty awkward no matter what you do.

One way around it is to have been talking about how hot she is all night. That way, of course you want to make out. Doye. You’re Horny Dude and you’ve been going on about her lips since you met her. But still, if she turns away and you’re left with her ear in your eyes it’s pretty fucking embarrassing. All we can say is muster up some balls and just go for it.

If she pulls away, your only way out is to make a joke about it. Say something like, “Oooh kaye, that didn’t go so well. All rightie then. Let’s do both of us a favor and just get into a time machine and go back to before I did that.” Or something as simple as, “Okay, misread the signals, moving on, pretending nothing happened, going to get beer now, will get you one.” Something gay and sitcom-y like the guy in King of Queens. Don’t worry about the delivery, you just have to get out of that scene not looking desperate. She might have turned away because she’s not ready or maybe she feels some oral herpes coming through or maybe she’s not quite finished breaking up with her boyfriend. Freaking out about this blows all those other options, so take it easy. Just keep the night moving. Don’t go for it again for the rest of the night and when she wants to leave be all “OK, cool. I’ll call you later.”

THE FIRST BOFF
There’s a lot of pressure on this sucker. You have to have a rock-hard wood. You have to last a long time. And you have to blow her mind. Besides the obvious coke and Viagra combo nothing turns you into a black man better than Adderall. It makes your dick into a fucking battle-ax. (It also makes you want to fanatically eat her ass, so you might want to avoid it if she’s a square.) The rest of our advice is the usual. Once you have the go-ahead, do everything short of rape and almost scare the shit out of her.

EATING OUT
For some shitty reason a lot of girls don’t want to be eaten out the first time you’re with them. Great, that’s how you get riled up. Now you have to hit the ground running. If oral foreplay looks like it isn’t going to happen, you can spend your intro time choosing high heels for her to wear, putting her arms behind her back, and just generally checking her out. I can’t get into any more detail here because I’m getting a boner at work and that is not on.

PAIR AND A SPARE
The secret to getting laid is to always have three on the go. Focusing on one girl is what they did in the 1940s. You are about carpet bombing the city with cock. If you throw enough shit against the wall something’s got to stick. The only way a single guy can get laid as much as a relationship dude is to have a harem. Some like to have five on the go at once. Others think that’s more stress than it’s worth. You don’t want to be a juggler at a mad carnival, so stick with three, a pair and a spare. You have the two you’re torn up about and then you have the plan C who likes you too much. That way, when you get rejected by one you can hop down to two and if things are looking really bad, you can sink down to your last resort for some comfort food. This takes the desperation out of your voice and makes you seem calm, smooth, and reliable.

Go back to Best Dating Manual

To get great results you need to do things that others aren’t doing. Here are the top body language attraction tips that you have to follow. If you choose to ignore these body language mistakes, you will be subcommunicating neediness, and that you’re not a sex-worthy guy:

Top 8 Body Language Attraction Tips:

1.) Speaking too fast. This is a biggie, and something I used to do all the time. People who speak too fast sound like they are trying to “get it all out” before they lose the other person’s attention. It gives off an anxious, low self-confidence vibe that kills attraction. Alpha males speak slowly, and with confidence. Everything that an alpha male says is important, and meaningful.

2.) Touching your face when you talk. It subcommunicates nervousness, that you’re indecisive, or that you’re shy. Avoid it all together. This is another thing I used to do often until I realized how much it was hurting my game. Keep your hands in a relaxed position (and make sure not to fiddle with them while you’re speaking to someone else).

3.) Looking down. A body language attraction point that screams, “I’m NOT dominant”. When you look down while someone is talking to you, you’re basically telling them that they are more dominant than you are. Don’t give your power away. Maintain strong eye contact instead. Choose one eye to look at, and do it. This was one of the body language attraction mistakes that has held me down most before I corrected it.

4.) Eye contact. Something really important. A lot of guys are scared to do this, but I’ve found that it is HUGE in creating attraction. Don’t stare at the girl creepily, but do maintain strong eye contact. If you want to go for the kiss looking from eye-to-eye to her lips is a good way to do it. Once you see her look at your lips, or when you see her lips move, go in for the kiss. Works like a charm.

5.) Using “ah” and “um”. People that use these often are trying to prevent others from interrupting them. If you’re an alpha male, you know that others won’t interrupt you. That’s why avoiding those little partial words is key. It will make you sound more confident and determined.

6.) Slouching. This is a huge no-no. Have a comfortable body language that says, “I’m comfortable, and feel good inside”. Slouching says, “I’m weak, and don’t feel good about myself”. If you do this regularly, make sure to change it right now. Slouching is probably the most unattractive thing on this list. Don’t stand too straight, but do have your shoulders back, and your back in an upright position. Check out Brad Pitt in any of his movies for an idea of what this looks like. He’s a guy that is always portraying great body language attraction.

7.) Being afraid to initiate physical contact with a girl. You need to be able to touch a woman if you want to have sex with her. In fact, if you leave off touching till the end it will make her more uncomfortable. You gotta feel relaxed, and be able to touch her at will. Make it effortless and natural. Tap the side of her arm when you’re talking, and don’t be afraid to put your arm around her for a bit if you’re walking side by side.

8.) Turning your head fast when someone wants your attention. Do give them your attention, but don’t do it right away as if you’re at their command.

These are the top 8 body language attraction tips that I’ve used in order to get as much as I could from my non-verbal subcommunication with women. I highly recommend that you review the list, and make sure to correct any of the mistakes that you find yourself doing.

Return to Best Dating Manual.

You know the scenario. You start dating a woman. After the first date, all you get is a peck on the cheek.

Second date, you get a mouth kiss. Third date, you hold hands. It’s a very slow process.

You can’t understand why it has to take so long to have sex with the woman. After all, you’re buying her meals. You even splurged on some pretty flowers.

In short… you’re being incredibly nice to the woman. So what’s the problem? Why won’t she have sex with you?

It comes down to human motivation. People behave in ways that cause them to get rewarded. They avoid behaviors that cause them punishment.

So the reason why guys often have trouble getting laid is because they reward bad behavior. A chick will lead them on and then make it clear there won’t be sex that night, yet the guy rewards her by cuddling with her.

A better solution would be to punish the bad behavior by being a lot less interested in cuddling with her. Never underestimate the power of getting up from the couch and walking out the door.

Remember, to harvest the full enjoyment out of life and to have women be attracted to you, you need to be an alpha male. That means being powerful. So make sure you get treated the way you deserve to be.

Did a chick do something (like have sex with you) that deserves rewarding? Then go ahead and do something nice for her. Take her on a date to a fancy restaurant. Buy her filet mignon and Don Perignon (if you’ve got the money).

Does a chick just string you along, telling you nice things that she would do for you if only she didn’t have a boyfriend? Then withdraw your attention, and go talk to other girls instead of her.

What I’m trying to say with this relationship article is that you need to frame all of your behavior towards women in terms of punishment and reward, and you’ll be treated the way you deserve (or else you’ll move onto another woman who WILL treat you right).

John Alexander is author of “How to Become an Alpha Male“… a seduction dating manual for men. Learn more advanced tips on how to develop the mind set of an alpha male to find the success with women that you desire.

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Having gone out with with literally thousands of women and gone to bed with hundreds over the past two and a half decades, I’ve learned that there’s nothing you can do to GUARANTEE having sex with any particular woman.

However, by following a very important dating rule, you can dramatically INCREASE THE ODDS of going all the way on the very first night of your relationship.

1. Dating Rule: Meet her in a non-traditional venue.

By that I mean, don’t take her to a fancy dinner or do anything else that she associates with a “date.” If you do, that puts her into the same “make him wait” mindset that she adopted with the last 100 guys who bought her a nice dinner.

Instead meet her somewhere informal, like a coffee shop or some cheap diner for lunch. Don’t make a big deal out of who pays for what, because again, the last 100 guys she dated paid for her meal because, as was blatantly obvious to her, they were hoping to get laid.

As an alpha male, you shouldn’t do anything because you’re “hoping to get laid.” That reeks of desperation and kills attraction that a woman feels.

A more attractive guy is one who gets laid all the time, so sex is no big deal to him. If a woman wants his attention, she has to earn it. In other words, he is a challenge for her, not a sure thing.

2. Dating Rule: Have the proper mindset throughout the date.

You want to be relaxed and feeling sexual. (To get yourself into a sexual state, try watching porn just before the date, but don’t masturbate.) And it’s important to feel relaxed. No nervousness.

For a woman to become sexual, she needs to feel relaxed and horny. It is important that you feel that exact way yourself, because studies have shown that when two people are in rapport, they eventually match emotional states with each other.

So when you’re chilling with the girl, you should feel deeply relaxed and horny, and then engage her in conversation about neutral subjects until you see signs that she too is getting relaxed and horny.

3. Dating Rule: Get her alone with you.

Let’s say you and the girl hit it off fantastically in the coffee shop, so you then take her to a bar to get a quick drink. Things are really going well there. The conversational vibe is excellent. You see signs of her increasing sexual arousal and openness to intimacy.

Some signs of a woman’s deepening sexual attraction to you include: – Sitting with her inner thigh exposed.
- Fidgeting with her clothes. She might even unfasten a button or two of her blouse.
- She engages in “triangle gazing.” She’ll look at one of your eyes, then another, and then at your mouth.
- You notice her stealing glimpses at your chest and even your crotch.

The problem is you can’t just say, “Let’s go to my place and have sex.” With women you’re on a first date with, whenever you verbalize anything sexual, it kills the mood for her and results in you sleeping alone that night.

Instead, mention an innocent excuse for the two of you to go to your place. (Examples could be, “You should come hear my ‘Best of the 80s’ CD” or “That’s awesome that you’re so good with art… I have a painting in my living room that I’d love to get your opinion on”)

Since the two of you have an “innocent” reason to be alone together, it avoids triggering the alarm bells in her mind that scream, “Uh oh! I don’t want to be a slut!”

Once the two of you are then alone, isolated at your place, you can set the scene for the seduction.

It can take several hours for the woman to feel comfortable enough with you at your house, so you need to be patient.

Sit on your couch and watch a movie. Slowly escalate. Hold hands, stroke her hair, and so on from there.

Sexually, women are like irons. They heat up slowly. Keep that in mind and don’t rush things, and you’ll have your maximum shot at having sex on a first date.

John Alexander is author of “How to Become an Alpha Male”. His book is a great dating manual on a 7 Step Seduction System that takes you from saying “hello” to a new woman… to sharing orgasms in bed with her… in the span of a day. Read my review for this book here.

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You look up and see a girl and she’s your type. You think of the ideal tip for dating that you’ve heard somewhere for this instant. You lock eyes for a moment like a pair of deer caught in each other’s headlights. She acknowledges you with a mild curiosity in her eyes… waiting. Seconds grind by like hours, and you can feel the moment gurgling away like drain-o down a sewer. You’re vaguely aware there’s a play to be made here, but you’re totally unprepared. Something distracts her then — she turns away… the train pulls out, she gets into a cab, the bell rings for class. The moment vanishes like a ghost as though it had never existed in the first place. But you will see it over and over again in your mind won’t you? Re-played a hundred times.

If you’ve ever known the agony of watching a chance encounter ripe with romantic possibility slip away while you stood helplessly and watched, then you know all about the lowest moment in a man’s life. Fear of having our romantic advances rejected by a woman still remains the #1 most difficult aspect of trying to hook up. That fear remains whether or not you have a useful tip for dating in mind when the girl is in front of you. On top of that, this fear may in fact be worse today than ever before in the past.

After all, when have men ever been at such a social disadvantage to women as they are today… what with the complete collapse of any sort of culturally insistent need for them to act subservient in our presence? When have they ever been as sarcastic, demanding or casually judgmental of our fumbling actions?… or as secure in expressing them — since they now have the full protection of the law (including government and corporate anti-harassment rules) protecting them from any serious blowback?

This makes the job of romantically approaching a woman a momentous chore for those of us who don’t happen to have a monster set of brass balls helping us out. I’ve done a lot of study and thinking about this subject (not to mention experiencing some delightful kicks in the teeth during the course of my, ah… research), and it seems to me there are THREE critical tips for dating to know about concerning this fine art of meeting women:

1) Tip for dating: You need to have some kind of standard icebreaker. And I’m not talking about some worn-out conversational opener like “been here often?”. Stop and think for a moment — most of us (unless we have some sort of severe social anxiety that requires psychiatric treatment) usually have no real problem making casual small talk with people, even perfect strangers on the subway, and really… even with hot chicks. If you knew in advance that you were only going to walk up to a girl and have a conversation about the weather, why… there would hardly be any anxiety involved in THAT, right? So then why all the fear?

Because we know that if our true desire is to “pick her up” with a tip for dating, then somehow we will have to do SOMETHING SPECIAL in order to change that mundane conversation over into a romantic one — and THIS unknown “something” that we have no clue as to how to do is what scares the hell out of us!

I call this essential yet frightening transitional moment in a man-woman exchange “the icebreaker” — and like I said it is our uncertainty over just how to make this verbal “crossover” without looking like a complete fool that lies at the heart of our fear of rejection. Here in Dr. Frankenstein’s “seduction lab” I like to devise various little work-arounds for these types of nasty problems.

One interesting conversational device that I’ve actually had a surprising amount of luck with is something I call resigned speculation. It is a nifty little tip for dating. This is where you ask “The Question” by framing it in a manner that makes it seem like there is, of course, little or no chance of her responding in a positive way: “Listen, I know I’m probably crazy imagining that someone as (attractive, cool, stunning, vibrant) as you would be free to (have dinner, grab some coffee, get a drink) with me some evening…?”

And then (the tough part) let that question just hang in the air until she’s forced to react. You’re speculating, you see — resigned to the fact that it’s probably just a pipe dream that anyone as gorgeous as her would be in a position to take up your wistful offer. See? This sort of oblique approach is disarming, charming and non-threatening to most women… especially if you present it in a playful and teasing manner.

Resigned speculation is a great way to casually cross over the boundary from friendly stranger to romantic possibility without having to make that high-pressure, sweaty “verbal hit” that many of us just can’t bring ourselves to do. I’ve actually been stunned at how many times women will immediately jump at such a seemingly “oh well…” kind of offer. Not always of course, or even most of the time truthfully, but I’ll bet it’s been around 30-40% of the time in my experience… and in this crazy and unpredictable game baby, dat ain’t bad!

2) Tip for dating: Whatever you decide your icebreaker is, you need to standardize that statement for yourself, write it down… AND DRIVE IT WAY DOWN DEEP INTO YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND! That’s because when the moment arrives and you see a great looking girl and have a perfect opportunity to approach her… your nerves will start to jangle, your mind will blank out and pretty much just flatline on you.

And when your skull is empty, you are powerless my friend. No tip for dating could save you then.

You need to do whatever it takes to make this phrase as easy to remember as a song lyric that you’ve heard blasted a thousand times on the radio. Something that you can ‘sing’ on a moment’s notice in any situation… a park, an elevator, a party. Otherwise you are merely carrying around a lot of book learning in your head, but you haven’t cultivated any actual SKILL yet.

3) Tip for dating: The ability to meet and seduce women is one of the most difficult things that we will ever have to learn how to do as men. Maybe if you’re currently training to land the next generation of Altair spacecraft on the moon in 15 years you’ve got something tougher going on in your life, but for the rest of us this sad fact remains basically true. The point is that you’ve got to understand the magnitude of this life challenge in order to give yourself a break and set yourself free any sense of shame that could still be lingering from past failures and fouling you up.

Your behaviors are always just an expression of your most persistent thoughts — and if those thoughts constantly linger on how much you suck and how hopeless and helpless you are, then your life’s reality will follow suit… and it too will come to suck.

Begin by losing any “emotionally scarred for life” type of crutch that you might currently be hobbling around on. Nobody gets to ride any sob story for life, I don’t care how horrible it was. The shelf life expires someday. You must develop the determination to press on and become as good as you need to be at this aspect of your male existence. Some of you will want to become big time players for instance, while others may be looking for a wife or girlfriend. Many of you just need to get laid and then allow that event to guide you where it may. That is the best tip for dating I can give you.

Decide at what level YOU need to play this game, and then approach the task of acquiring the necessary skills to do so in a logical and rational fashion devoid of any “clouding” emotions such as bitterness or despair.

This is how you eventually get good at charming women, it’s not anything super amazing or magical, just hard work and determination like anything else… oh, and good use of a tip for dating here and there ;)

Michael Pilinksi is the author of “Without Embarassment”. It is a book I highly recommend. You can read my review here, or purchase this awesome dating manual here.

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